How to grow a real man from a son? This question is not asked by many. Alas ... Meanwhile, the problem is long overdue in our society. And today half measures cannot do ...
At all times, peoples and cultures did not share the calm and well-being of society and the development of a future generation of men. Responsible parents have always wondered: how to properly raise a son? This problem is especially acute in modern society, because the rapid pace of life and the constant employment of parents left the child to himself.
Meanwhile, this issue is a very serious one. From an absurd kid you need to grow a defender, a breadwinner, a loving father and spouse. In a word, a reliable man. One with whom it is safe, who has a positive outlook on life, stands firmly on his feet and can ensure the happiness of loved ones.
Three steps to a man
To direct raising a boy in the right direction, to ensure its comprehensive and harmonious development, it is worth knowing that, regardless of time and environment, his growing up takes place in three stages:
- Stage of tenderness. It lasts until the age of six. A child of any gender at this time maintains a very strong connection with his mother. The boy is now a sissy, even if the father is involved in the process of his upbringing.
- Stage of the road to masculinity. It lasts up to 14 years. Now the child looks more closely at his father: what he does, how he behaves in different situations, what are his hobbies. A strong connection with the mother begins to gradually be lost. It is replaced by interests from the surrounding life.
- Stage of becoming a person. Continues until adulthood. Here, as never before, a male example from the outside is needed. Parents fade into the background. The grown-up son now needs to communicate with a worthy adult. Peers do not count, they have no life experience.
Knowing developmental features of the boy at a certain stage, parents will be able to develop a program of action, suggest, help, teach, support. Everyone should do it for their child.
This is the first thing a child of any gender needs. A boy, just like a girl, should feel that his mother loves him infinitely. External achievements and circumstances should not play any role here. It is proved that the most successful men grew out of those boys whom mothers loved very much in childhood. It is a woman, like no one else, who is able to surround the baby with unconditional tenderness and care. Father, with all desire, cannot do this instead of her. Mother inspires the little son to new victories and achievements.
It is in interaction with her that the child learns to be a little protector. If you are asking an urgent question - how to raise a boy with a real man, then do not skimp on the manifestation of sincere feelings. Praise should be an integral part of raising a son. The more they believe in a child, the sooner they are aware of their prospects.
Stages of growing up boy
Regardless of the environment and environment, the boy grows up through 3 stages.
- From birth to 6 years. This is a period of tenderness. Conventionally, it can be divided into 2 more stages. The first lasts up to 3 years. At this time, the main person for the child is mom. She feeds, walks with the boy. Communication with dad fades into the background. Having crossed the three-year milestone, the boys begin to separate from the "mother's skirt" and are increasingly drawn to dads and other men from the family.
- From 6 to 14 years the stage of the formation of masculinity lasts. The boy is increasingly looking for communication with his father, needs his attention.He studies the behavior of dad in various everyday situations and begins to copy it. Communication with the mother is becoming thinner.
- From 14 to 18 years, the stage of personality formation lasts for a young man. During this period, the guy is increasingly separated from his mother and father. But the male example in these years comes to the fore. Communication with peers is not suitable, you need an adult who will become a worthy "teacher of life."
In each age interval for the harmonious development of the child, parents will have to adjust their parenting tactics, help, guide, support and, most importantly, not interfere with natural processes.
How to raise a boy without a father
Contrary to popular belief, a boy brought up by women does not necessarily grow up in jars and ditties. The assertion that a boy who is raised without a father will grow up as an inferior man is fundamentally wrong and, more likely, affects single mothers as a self-fulfilling forecast. It is much worse when raising children takes place in a family where dad is an alcoholic, where constant quarrels and misunderstandings reign, where father raises a hand on his mother, etc. Incomplete families, first of all, are those in which there is a lack of parental love and a lack of attention.
The family, where one woman brings up her son, naturally has certain problems and difficulties, but nevertheless she is better than children growing up in state institutions.
How to raise a boy a real man - advice from psychologists
First of all, even in the absence of a father, who is a model of male behavior in boyish life, such an example should be provided. For this purpose, you can use uncle, grandfather, trainer, teacher, brave cartoon hero, etc. It is also recommended to give the crumbs to the so-called "male" sport. Thus, the more males will always be present in his life, the better.
How to raise a boy without a father? Moms need to monitor their own attitude to the stronger sex. You should not insult men in the presence of babies, also, surrounded by men, mother should not feel awkward, aggressive, uncomfortable. After all, a child can feel this, as a result of which he will have mixed feelings caused by the mismatch of his mother’s attitude towards him and the surrounding men, which will result in misunderstanding and internal conflict.
How to raise a boy to a woman herself? When educating crumbs without a father, it is not recommended to try to compensate for him the lack of male attention, at the cost of excessive "cursing" or the performance of any of his whims. The best decision will be to teach your little son independence from an early age. If the boy didn’t succeed the first time, then he doesn’t need to immediately run to his aid, it’s better to invite him to try to repeat his own actions.
It is also recommended that mothers more often take the position of a “weak woman” in dealing with the baby. In other words, a woman in raising her son should not forget about her nature and be affectionate with him, a caring and loving parent, and not a magician who can solve absolutely all boyish problems, depriving the crumb of the opportunity to try to cope with difficulties himself. Also, such behavior will help to develop in the son the ability to sympathize, regret and empathize, and teaches him to be caring, helpful, strong man.
In addition, you must often praise the child and tell him phrases, the following content: “you are my defender”, “you will surely succeed!”, Etc. Indeed, for a boy growing up without a father, such praise has special significance. With this behavior, women reinforce the importance of the boy in the eyes of his mother.
Thus, women who are interested in the question of how to raise a man from a boy need to be feminine and weak, on the one hand, and, on the other, to have a strong, confident personality.Mothers raising sons without fathers should not try to combine the female and male roles, it is only necessary to remain themselves. It is also not recommended to play the role of a victim of circumstances before the son.
The upbringing of a boy, the future real man, does not need to be perceived as a duty or life service. As a result of the above, a boy raised by women in order to become a real man has all the prerequisites.
In the modern world, the approach to raising boys has changed, most often women do this. It is enough to recall that in kindergartens and schools, the bulk of the teaching staff is female. Therefore, the child may not receive the necessary male experience. In this case, the role of family upbringing is growing, in which the father by his own example will show his son norms of behavior.
Single mothers have a hard time, because they need to explain to the child something that they themselves have not encountered - a male model of behavior. This is not always successful, which is why there are so many men who act like a "typical girl."
Often in complete families, fathers are either too busy disappearing at work to provide the family with everything they need, or they withdraw from their upbringing, placing all responsibility on their spouse, or they themselves are raised incorrectly, infantile and unmanly, and are not able to teach anything good. Therefore, mothers have to deal with such a difficult non-feminine thing - to teach their child to become a man.
Interaction with a child cannot be called an easy affair. Parents often face new difficulties, learn from their own mistakes. Achievements of one’s own child are incredibly pleasing, but failures seriously upset. How to raise a boy a real man? First of all, let him know that you need to be responsible for your actions. The kid should be clearly aware that each of our actions leads to a certain result. If you want to achieve something important for yourself - try. How to raise a boy a real man? The rules are simple. However, their implementation will take years. Mom should be affectionate and at the same time be able to instill in her son responsibility for the choices he makes on a daily basis.
Qualities to be laid
The boy alone will not grow up. Parental care, which consists in feeding and hygienic care, will not make a decent man out of him. As a child grows up, it is necessary to instill in him certain habits, to lay skills and knowledge. First of all, it should be done by the father.
At an early age, the boy receives from both parents the portion of love and tenderness so necessary for him, a sense of security, a positive charge for his whole life.
Then he obtains the necessary knowledge and develops abilities. At this time, one should cultivate kindness and responsiveness in him, teach him the harmonious development of personality.
Not to be confused in adulthood, to gain self-esteem and responsibility for the boy will be helped to a greater extent by the father, since for his son he is a model of an adult man.
Important qualities a boy needs
In early childhood, the boy cares about the love, tenderness, affection and care of both parents. Feelings of need and security nurture the ability to trust. The duty of parents to instill in their son the following qualities:
- willpower and patience
- adherence to principles and adherence to certain rules,
- communication skills,
Naturally, you can’t help here with just talking. A personal example of parents is the most important factor in parenting.
If the father is weak, soft and forgives pranks to his son, then the child is unlikely to learn how to achieve the goal.
When the father knows how to negotiate with the interlocutor, does not start a fight and solves problems by the method of dialogue - the son will know that he cannot reach the truth with his fists. Conflicts are resolved peacefully.
If the father postpones a trip to the circus or a trip to the zoo for the next weekend due to a bad mood, the child will also start to make empty promises. Over time, the parent will lose credibility, his words will cease to inspire confidence in the son.
How to raise a boy
Of no small importance in the upbringing of male crumbs is the provision of trust in him and the provision of a certain amount of freedom. It is not recommended to forbid him to spend time with children in the yard, to communicate with other boys. It is necessary to provide the boy with the opportunity to independently find solutions from situations of confrontation.
How to raise a boy? To do this, parents should make some efforts. One can distinguish one of the most common misconceptions among parents of both sexes related to the difference in educational measures applied to sons and daughters. For some reason, individual mothers and almost the majority of popes think that with a little boy one should not allow themselves “veal tenderness” and so-called “sissyukany”, believing that due to such behavior a real man will not grow out of a boy. However, everything is different in reality. Psychologists have shown evidence that among newborns of both sexes, boys are born weaker than girls, so they often need affection more than girls.
Psychologists conducted research and found out what qualities modern mothers would like to see in their sons. The results are quite unexpected:
- good faith.
While masculinity and courage, many mothers put in last place. The position is understandable - a serious and calm child will not create problems, unlike a daredevil and a good-natured bully. But in the end, the mothers themselves will remain amazed - why their boy grew up without initiative, timid, modest, not ready to overcome obstacles, not realizing that they themselves caused this situation.
Taking care of the baby, not letting him frolic in the company of the same children, mothers often bring him up as it is convenient for them to be a domestic child without unnecessary problems, thus distorting the very masculine nature. The kid becomes weak-willed, unable to give back if peers attack him, tormented by constant fears, has no opinion of his own. A hyper-baked child can hardly grow up as a harmonious and purposeful person, ready for life's difficulties, until gray hair he will count on the help of his mother and sincerely not understand that he could achieve everything.
The second option is the manifestation of protests, which is characteristic of children who have some fortitude. Such boys categorically refuse to listen to their parents, do not fulfill their requests, are aggressive, and they do it in spite. The reason for this behavior is also the hyper-custody of mothers, and the child rebels against it. The long-awaited and only kids in the family are especially affected.
Further, we propose to get acquainted with how psychologists advise raising a boy correctly so that he does not grow effeminate, spoiled and not ready for an independent life, but at the same time does not suffer from a lack of attention. Women should abandon their position of “overly caring mother”, release their own fears, give the child a little more freedom. That is, to abandon their own maternal egoism and think about who her son will become in the future.
"I do the same as dad ..."
Every boy will be happy to say these words. And who, if not his father, will help him in this. There is a standard male set of qualities that need to be raised in the kid from childhood.Dad can explain, show with his own example, achieve success in education, and then the son will grow up confident and able to prove himself in the best possible way.
The role of the father in raising his son is great. As a parent with experience, he must teach the boy to be independent, responsible and decisive. Do not push and force, but show. Father's example is very important. The child will repeat after him. Time will pass, and certain actions will become familiar. This is the only way to raise a man.
Unlike a mom who can compromise with her baby, dad should be tough and persistent without going beyond the limits. Then the son will learn to achieve the goal.
And it is also very important that the father explains, and then with his own example shows that not everything in life is decided by fists. There are many ways to solve the problem peacefully, and you need to learn to negotiate. It is these qualities that parents want to see in their adult child.
If dad always keeps his word, then the son will listen to him, respect him and try to be like him.
Many young mothers think about how to raise a boy a real man. The psychology of the stronger sex is such that its representatives need to achieve everything with their own labor. Do not discourage such impulses baby! Give him the opportunity to fully participate in the study of something new. The child must explore life, make amazing discoveries every day. If a mother notices her son a certain inclination to something, then she should allow him to do what he loves. Never interfere with his sports, drawing or playing a musical instrument. It may be that your child in the future will amaze everyone around with his great achievements!
Self-realization is the main component of the life of a successful man. How to raise a boy a real man? The advice of relatives will not help here. It is important to understand that for the effective formation of personality self-realization is necessary. Encourage any undertakings of your child, then the efforts will not be in vain!
How to raise a real man: general tips and tricks
The problem in the upbringing of the boy is the factor of the absence of the father. The situation is such that often even in a complete family, dad has to work hard and there is not enough time for his son. Plus, almost all educational institutions, whether it be a kindergarten or a school, are staffed for the most part with women. It also complicates the process of becoming the personality of the future man. Incomplete families, where the father’s earnings and parenting functions are automatically transferred to the mother, are also not uncommon. But do not lose heart. There is a “gold” standard for raising boys. The set of rules will help to grow a real man from his son, for whom he will not be ashamed. Even if the mother is engaged in education.
How to raise a boy of 2 years
The educational impact on the boys, in any case, is based on the age characteristics of the baby. Therefore, to start a conversation about how to properly educate a 2-year-old boy, it is necessary with an understanding of what a two-year-old crumb is.
Up to a year and a half, there is no difference in the education of babies of different sexes. It is at the age of two that the baby begins to understand that boys are different girls. At two years old the boy is already beginning to realize that he belongs to the male sex and is designated himself accordingly.
The importance in the educational impact on a two-year-old boy belongs to positive communication with him. You should not be angry or beat the baby at the age of two, otherwise the boys will think that they are not loved, which may cause the first symptom of a basic distrust of the world.
By the age of two years, boys not only improve their walking, but also develop the ability to run and bounce, they learn to throw the ball, their sense of balance is improved. Therefore, the boy should not be prohibited from developing physically. It’s not scary if in trying to run and bounce, he will stuff himself a few cones and get a couple of bruises.
At this stage, the boys develop an attitude towards domestic work - they have a desire to help their mother, a desire to sweep or vacuum, etc. Such aspirations of children should be encouraged, otherwise you can discourage and in the future the child will simply "crawl out on his head."
In the two-year age period, the need arises for the first time to develop separate prohibitions and certain norms of behavior. Contrary to the conventional wisdom of most psychologists, the baby begins to understand the word “impossible” at about the age of three, so certain restrictions and the penal system of non-physical impact must be introduced already at the age of two.
How to raise a boy of 2 years? It is not recommended to envelop the boy with excessive guardianship and should not be pressured by his own in excess of expectations. For example, if a two-year-old boy does not talk, this is not a reason not to sleep at night. It should be borne in mind that the boys begin to talk later than the girls. The main thing at this stage is the formation of motor activity and cognitive interests. And even if the baby does not draw as well as the neighbor child, then you should not be upset. After all, each baby develops individually. And with their own expectations and the subsequent discontent or frustration, the parents demonstrate their dislike to the baby.
The main activity of boys of two years of age is a game, which is an action with objects of a manipulative nature. It is through such a game that the baby learns the environment, objects in it and people. Directly in the game activity it is easier to teach the boys discipline, mode, order, certain rules, hygienic skills and basic labor skills, how to handle objects, compare them.
It is important for parents to learn that boys should not be punished with cruelty or indifference. In this way, parents only demonstrate their weakness to the baby, which can subsequently turn into a weakness in the boy’s character. Strength in boys needs to be trained using other methods.
Children should also be educated in accordance with their gender. In other words, with respect to male crumbs, it is not recommended to use words such as “bunny” or “honey”. It is better to contact your son as follows: “son” or “my favorite protector”.
Consider the main points that mothers should consider when raising sons.
- Lack of total control. Each mother herself determines that she will allow the baby at what point his failures will come to the rescue, however it is important to observe the “golden mean”, not turning into a harsh lady, confident in the use of Spartan conditions, and not becoming like hyper-caring mothers.
- Use the example of foreign fathers. If a woman is forced to raise her baby alone, she should observe how the fathers of other children behave. So, if during the walk the baby fell, dad does not run to his aid, reacts more calmly to tears and screaming, because he understands that falls in childhood are inevitable.
- It is equally important to observe where fathers show firmness and in what moments they are ready to give up.
- It is not jerking, but cheering that will help to instill a masculine manner of behavior. You need to help the child overcome the obstacle, and not stay away from a dangerous place.
- The word is the most important assistant for parents.Therefore, saying “boy”, you need to try to use the characteristics “courageous”, “hardy” more often. The child will gradually be deposited in the head, as a male representative behaves.
Note that masculinity should be brought up carefully, taking into account the age of the baby. So, if the crumb is only 2 years old, it’s permissible to cede, not to demand super efforts and super endurance from him. Now children really need the support of an adult, pity, communication - you cannot deprive a child of the necessary psychological assistance.
Here is an example:
- If the child fell, cried, he should be sorry, even if the adult is sure that the crumbs are not hurt.
- When the boy, having fallen, did not cry, his masculinity is worth noting and praising, showing how parents are proud of his stamina.
This is the only way to bring up a harmonious personality, and not a clogged and insecure person or protesting on any issue.
Commandments for the Boy's Parents
Parenting is a serious and lengthy process. What you want to see in a child is instilled gradually. Good deeds, thoughts, desires require more time and effort to implement them. Butthe efforts of parents will not be in vain. The son will become a worthy man.
All the rules of education come down to one thing: children are a reflection of their parents. Therefore, you should often look at yourself from the side and when communicating with your son, observe the following commandments:
- To teach the boy to make decisions and take the initiative in his own hands. Today, these qualities are indispensable.
- To form in him a respectful attitude towards a woman - the son must learn to help mom.
- To fix a certain housework for him, this will help to grow a responsible man out of him.
- Do not help in the details, let him do it himself, make mistakes at the same time, correct them, then he will become a real helper for loved ones.
- To bring up a sense of kindness in a son, this is possible when he sees love and affection on the part of both parents.
- Praise for any achievements - this will make the child strong and successful.
- To celebrate actions in which the boy behaved like a man (he defended the weak, showed courage, etc.).
These simple tips will help you grow a real man.
Any child should know how to behave in society. Only in this case, he will not constantly come into conflict with the environment. The boy should be able to thank, show delicacy in relation to those who are nearby. Teach your son to respect the elders, to give way to public transport. Good manners come in handy everywhere. How to raise a real man from a boy? The reviews show that when the attention of adults is aimed at developing delicacy, in the future a young man is able to understand close people.
As soon as the child reaches 6 years old, communication with adult men becomes a necessity for the boy. Well, if this niche is occupied by the father. It’s great if dad introduces his son to household chores, teaches him how to use tools, answers questions, and does not scold him for mistakes.
In an incomplete family, a person who embodies all the boyish ideas about a man can be an uncle, grandfather, or godfather. Meetings should take place at least once a week.
If there is no such possibility, then the mother will have to look for a suitable man among friends or hire a male nanny. And the boy can be sent to the sports section, where the coach will be an example.
Imaginary, fairy-tale characters are also a good alternative. A positive character from your favorite book can be an incentive to develop male traits in the character of the boy.
How to raise a boy of 3 years
In early childhood, the most important thing for babies of the stronger sex is to be in the zone of parental attention and care, especially the mother. At the same time, dad should not shy away from raising a 3-year-old boy, citing the fact that his son is still small.In a three-year age period, boys develop a sense of security and a sense of openness to the environment. Therefore, the care of both parents is quite important for them.
How to raise a boy 3 years old? What principles should the upbringing of a three-year-old boy be based on? What educational measures are acceptable, and which ones are better to refrain from? The listed questions become acute for adults when their male child reaches the age of three.
So how to raise a man from a boy? To answer this question, you need to understand that at the stage of three years of age, there is already a clear differentiation by gender in comparison with a two-year period. Therefore, at this age it is very important to try not to miss the formation of boys' self-love as a representative of a strong half of humanity. The son should think that he is a boy, and being a boy is good. This statement must be constantly reinforced and emphasized in praise. For example: "You are brave." And phrases like "wimp" must be excluded from their own vocabulary in relation to their son.
How to raise a boy to dad? Due to the fact that the baby at the age of three even more feels his own belonging to the strong half of humanity. That is why the father for him becomes an object of admiration and increased interest. The boy strives in absolutely everything to be like the head of the family, often trying on some of his things. In cases where the father is characterized by impatience and excessive irritability in relation to the baby, the son will feel awkward in his society and among other males. As a result, it will begin to equal the mother and reach for her. Therefore, for fathers, the optimal time to start the educational process for boys is considered to be exactly three years old. You should not wait until the kids get older, and, consequently, grow wiser, as you can lose time. Therefore, it is recommended that mothers send their sons for a walk with their husbands, which will allow them to allocate free time for themselves, and fathers should better know their own child.
The next principle of educational impact, which answers the question of how to raise a boy as a real man, will be to provide space for a three-year-old son. Here, first of all, we are talking about physical space. Since the boys for normal functioning and development need free space. After all, they are constantly on the move. Body energy must be dumped without fail, active games contribute to this.
There are also hyperactive children who require a slightly different approach. In order to understand how to educate a hyperactive boy, one should turn to the concept of hyperactivity. Hyperactivity Syndrome is a pronounced excessive mobility of babies and impulsivity. Such children are characterized by restlessness, they are constantly spinning, inconstant in their hobbies (now they can do one thing, and literally a minute later - another), as a result of which many things do not bring to completion.
A hyperactive boy of three years of age requires special treatment. Since one of the development crises occurs at the age of three, at this stage, the baby begins to clearly differentiate its gender and all this is complicated by hyperactivity. Therefore, if the question of how to raise a hyperactive boy became a subject of special attention to parents, then it is not necessary to deal with the innate properties of the baby, it is necessary to correct only manifestations of hyperactivity. No need to punish the boy for such manifestations, because it is not his fault that he still lacks self-regulation skills. It is only necessary to help him learn to manage his own behavior and protect him from overwork.If active games are not suitable for a hyperactive baby, then a hyperactive baby should be taught passive games, for example, you can draw with him.
In addition, regardless of whether the son is hyperactive or not, he needs to feel parental love. Therefore, parents should occasionally show their love to their babies.
Three years of age can be considered a cult of independence. Very often from kids at this age you can hear the phrase: "I myself." If the actions the boy is trying to do cannot harm him, then you need to let him do them. For example, tie your shoelaces yourself.
Also, in the educational impact, it is required to take into account the fact that the boys, by their nature, are researchers. It was at the age of three that their research nature began to appear in the form of disassembled cars. Therefore, you should not scold them for broken toys. It is necessary to provide them with the opportunity to satisfy the research need, while observing the safety of their son.
We will separately talk about the limitation of independence. The phrase "you are doing wrong, go, I’m better myself" is heard quite often, and even in relation to adult men. It is destructive for the boy’s personality, teaches him to give up quickly, transfer responsibility to another person. Such a child will always wait for his mother to come to his aid in difficult times and do everything for him. Therefore, then parents should not be offended that the matured son constantly asks them for money, cries because of life's difficulties. They themselves prepared such a fate for themselves and him.
The solution is simple - it is necessary to allow the child to act, to learn by trial and error, to achieve the goal. Parents can give advice, but a child from a preschool age should be independent.
Of course, it’s easier for the mother of a 4-year-old baby to dress him for a walk than to watch, gradually losing patience as he tries to tie his shoelaces. Experts advise: if the baby does not ask for help, you need to give him freedom. It is better to start training in advance, but provide the child with the opportunity to dress independently. If the child says "I myself", it should be so. You cannot kill initiative and the desire to learn in it.
Parents who have a growing son should remember those things that can not be done. Otherwise, they cannot bring up a real responsible person. What do you need to pay attention to?
In no case do not interrupt the child’s initiative, even provided that his actions are incorrect, erroneous. You can not scold and scream - let him see for himself that this is wrong and sometimes dangerous. It is better to comment and explain everything in a language that is accessible to him. And you always need to be around, watch and secure. Then the boy will understand that not everything is as simple as it seems, and will learn to think and anticipate the consequences.
Do not spoil too much, otherwise the risk of raising a capricious nature may increase. Such a son, in the future husband and father, will be inattentive to his family.
A big mistake is made by parents who adhere to a certain educational system. In this case, the child’s life turns into hell. Any book on such a topic gives only recommendations. In fact, they need to be brought to the specific personality of a small man. Living under a strict regime, from the rules of which it is impossible to depart, he will grow up hating women.
The only thing a parent can and should always do is love his child.
Ability to express feelings
In society, there is a common model that prohibits the stronger sex to show their own emotions. “Guys don’t cry” - boys hear from the youngest years and therefore try to crush pain and despair in themselves. As a result, the most important feelings remain undisclosed, unclaimed, not heard.How to raise a boy a real man? Of course, it is impossible to take into account all the nuances. However, one should always remember that feelings must be learned to express. Do not let the child suffer because of stupid human prejudices! There is nothing worse than using your own hands to destroy the fragile children's psyche every day.
Tell your son what you are experiencing. Do not be afraid to share with him sore. A child must consciously learn to recognize feelings, and this can be done only when adults do not dissemble before him, but show sincerity.
How to raise a boy 4 years old
There are several simple principles aimed at solving the problem of how to raise a boy of 4 years.
The first principle is that one should not be afraid to cripple the boy with affection and care. According to numerous studies, male children have four times less praise and several times more punishments. Therefore, parents should not forget that a four-year-old boy is still a child, not a small adult. He may be afraid of something; for him, a trip to a new place may be an event of life. It is important to understand that adult living standards, the concepts of time and space for a four-year-old baby are not suitable.
In the age period of four years, the emotionality of the baby begins to form. And parents at this stage require restrained behavior from him or forbid to show emotions with their careless phrases. This behavior is fundamentally wrong. A four year old boy is just a child, not an adult. Therefore, it is necessary to teach the boy to properly express their own emotions.
It should also be borne in mind that boys at any age require more free space than the fair sex. Therefore, in order to balance the violent hurricane of activity, it is recommended to purchase a sports corner for the son. It is necessary to treat filial injustice and noisiness with indulgence and patience. However, at the same time, one should not forget to focus the baby's attention on the fact that he, as a man, needs to be balanced.
It is for a four-year period that the completion of the formation of boys' ideas about their personalities as male representatives comes. Earlier, the baby was guided by the external differences of the representatives of the strong half from the weak. At the age of four, the baby already clearly correlates with the male sex and understands how to behave.
Determining the level of freedom for the child, parents decide what prohibitions to set for him. Two popular errors are possible here:
- Their complete absence. On the one hand, the boy feels that he can do anything, feels his importance, independence. But on the other hand, there are many dangers in the world that kids, due to their age, do not understand. Therefore, this position of the parents jeopardizes the health and even the life of the crumbs.
- A huge number of prohibitions. Literally everything is forbidden to a crumb, to complete any action the boy has to ask permission (for example, is it possible to take this or that toy). The result - the child grows up uncertain, self-conscious, with a complete lack of leadership qualities and aspirations to achieve something on their own.
That is why it is very important to decide what to prohibit and what to allow the baby. Each "taboo" should be justified and understandable to the child - you need to explain why you can’t put your fingers in the socket, what it will lead to, why you need to cross the roadway only at the pedestrian crossing, after having looked around. Only in this case, the boy will consciously try not to break the rules, and not try to slowly "try the forbidden fruit" until his parents see.
The system of prohibitions should be formed from the age of 2, the boy should gradually be accustomed to the word “not allowed”, explaining to him why it is impossible.
Practical advice of a psychologist
A book on the psychological characteristics of parenting can also help parents. Several effective techniques on the part of adults will help the boy grow up being kind, responsible, caring, which the future family man should be.
One of the methods by which you can instill important qualities: Fairytale therapy for preschoolers
If the baby breaks toys, stains clothes, fights - do not get angry every time and pull it, you just need to explain how bad it is. The time will come, and he will understand himself, without pressure on him, that this should not be done.
Any parent, especially the father, must know what is happening in the life of the child. So you can support him and protect him from troubles.
A separate topic is to teach the future man to lose. After all, you will not always be the first. You can’t give up, be nervous, panic, you need to calmly react to the loss - this is what the boy must learn. Then he will grow up a worthy person.
Video: pedagogue and psychologist will tell about the upbringing of men - Tatyana Shishkova
Currently, women often complain that they do not meet worthy partners. Few people understand that we ourselves are creating the surrounding reality, and pays close attention to this issue in our own family. How to raise a boy a real man? The role of the father is extremely great. It is the figure of the big and strong dad that encourages the little son to strive to copy his behavior. The father is the first to teach the child a lesson in masculinity, demonstrating by his own example which behavior can be considered worthy. Every boy wants to be proud of his father, feels the need to hear praise from him, advice.
An adult man can teach a child a lot: responsibility for the choice made, the ability to make decisions, and set real and attainable goals. The education of masculinity is possible only by imitation of the father or close relative of the stronger sex. From the mother, the boy cannot learn how to express himself. Successful identification with your gender is possible only with the participation of a man in the family.
How to raise a boy of 5 years
At the age of five, the ability to identify one's own person with a certain gender is already fully formed. Therefore, babies begin to actively seek communication with representatives of the beautiful half of humanity, but they are especially attracted to mothers. After all, for them, it is mom who is the cutest, kindest and most beautiful. Often at this age, boys want to marry their mothers. Starting from the five-year period, in the life of crumbs there is a transition from childhood to school life. Therefore, at this stage, the upbringing of a boy of 5 years should be aimed at developing the necessary life skills and optimizing performance. The upbringing of children of five years of age should lay the foundation and characteristics of behavior.
How to raise a boy of 5 years? First of all, it is necessary to instill in him a joyful anticipation of school life, the boy should look forward to this moment. Thanks to this, parents will be able to correctly and painlessly adjust his daily routine.
We should not forget that the future support of the family is being brought up. Therefore, it is necessary to continue the education of masculine qualities, but at the same time, not forgetting to surround the son with care and love. Fathers need to have a greater influence, otherwise the boy will grow up an insecure individual, closed and uncommunicative. The father’s task is also the physical development of his son.
Until the age of five, the boy can purchase toys that embody male professions (for example, plastic tools, various construction machines, designers), and after overcoming the five-year milestone, you need to begin to acquaint him with an elementary tool (for example, with a screwdriver or a light hammer). Let the boy learn to help dad around the house.
It is also necessary to explain to the sons that they are stronger than the fair sex, that they should protect the girls and behave chivalrously with them. In this case, dad should be a model of such behavior. He should help the woman in everything and take care of her (for example, carry heavy bags or give way to transport).
Stable positive microclimate in the family
Harmony, trusting relationships between parents, love for the child - these factors form confidence, openness and goodwill in the boy. The father should not be afraid to be gentle, hug his son. Manifestations of affection, if they are not excessive, will in no way cause the boy to be spoiled or whims.
The importance of feelings
Let us denote this rule: excessive custody is destructive, as well as inattention. Therefore, mothers need to try not to “lisp” with the boy, but fathers need not be shy to express their tender feelings. A child growing in an atmosphere of love and respect will learn to love and respect. You should teach your son from childhood to help the elderly, in a special way treat girls and younger children as weaker and in need of support.
To ask the child for forgiveness if the parents realized that they were wrong means not to lose their authority, but, on the contrary, to strengthen it. After all, the child realizes that everyone can make a mistake that only a strong person can recognize.
The main quality of the representative of the stronger sex is considered masculinity. It has long been associated with a warrior, a reliable defender.
Today there is no need to protect the house and family with weapons in their hands. But masculinity of the stronger sex now has different demands. A boy, growing up, must understand this, otherwise he will not succeed.
Classical masculinity is gradually acquiring new shades. The representative of the stronger sex today will conquer others with its sociability, the ability to sympathize and catch the mood.
The boy must be able to reckon with the independence of other people. Stubbornness and integrity in his character is desirable to complement the ability to maneuver, be flexible and responsive.
If parents take their child seriously, they will grow up healthy and successful.
1. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom!
In order for a mother to raise male qualities in her son, it is sometimes necessary to raise him in a way that is more convenient, simpler, and calmer. First of all, you need to make sure that the upbringing of the boy shapes his character. And for this, mother very often has to revise her views on life, attitudes, fight her fears, “break” the stereotypes developed over the years.
What picture can more and more often be observed in modern families? In boys, neatness, caution, and diligence are cultivated. And then mother reaps the fruits of her and grandmother’s “muscular upbringing”: growing up, the son cannot repulse the offender, overcome difficulties, does not want to strive for something. And it is not clear to parents where this weak-will in their child came from.
However, it is precisely such qualities from early childhood that are put into the boy with the words “Do not run - you will fall”, “Do not climb, it’s dangerous there”, “Do not do this - you will hurt yourself”, “Do not touch, I myself” and others “don’t ...”. Will initiative and responsibility be formed with such a boy’s upbringing?
Of course, mother and grandmother can be partially understood, especially when the child is single and long-awaited. They are afraid that something might happen to the baby. However, selfish considerations are hidden behind these fears.An easygoing child is much more convenient, you do not need to adapt to it. It is much easier to feed a two-year-old child herself than to watch how he spreads porridge on a plate. It’s faster to dress the four-year-old herself than to wait while he is busy with buttons and shoelaces. It’s calmer when the son walks nearby and holds his hand, rather than running around the court, trying to get out of sight. Indulging our motives, we do not think about the consequences.
Such a boy’s upbringing distorts male nature itself, responding to the mental and physical health of the boys. They have fears, sometimes turning into somatic problems (stuttering, nervous tics, allergies, breathing problems, frequent illnesses), low self-esteem is formed, problems develop in communication with other children. Often, the opposite situation also arises: a boy can begin to “defend” himself from the pressure of parental care by aggressive behavior, thus expressing childish rebellion.
Of course, getting rid of habits is not easy, but you need to understand that a child without the help of his parents will not become what he would like. To do this, he needs the help of adults and certain conditions. Do not limit the baby’s freedom of movement for a walk, do not take away from small “dangers” (a conflict in the sandbox with a peer, climbing over a low fence, etc.), but help to overcome difficulties, cheer up.
Ideally, it is best to instill in the child the habit of fulfilling domestic obligations. At the same time, it’s good that they be quite specific: take out the trash, wash the floor in your room or dishes after dinner. So the child is more likely to get used to taking responsibility for what happens to him. Helping mom is a desirable attribute of raising a future man. He must learn to understand that the family at some point in time may require his support and attention. Some men mistakenly believe that their son does not need such skills. Like, they’ll never be useful in life.
Do not be afraid that the boy will grow effeminate - this is absolutely stupid. There is no connection between the lack of masculinity and the desire to be useful to close relatives.
How to raise a teenager boy
For parents, adolescence is perhaps the most serious stage in the education of real men. Especially this stage is difficult for mothers. It is difficult for them to realize that until recently their little boy was an affectionate baby who constantly hugged them, and today he avoids maternal affection. Suddenly, unexpectedly, a cute boy turned into a grouchy teenager, referring to his parents, as an obstacle that interferes with his happiness. The worst behavior in this case will be attempts to put pressure on the child and endless readings of moralizing.
From about the age of eleven to the age of fourteen, something strange begins to happen to the boys. Previously cheerful and obedient, they become rebels. Unexplained mood swings, aggressiveness, and disobedience become the characteristic teenage behavior of boys.
Often, the first reaction of parents to such behavior is punishment and reading notations, which are not only completely useless, but also deepen the gap that grows in child-parent relations. Punishment only exacerbates the misunderstanding that prevailed between adolescents and their parents.
Often, due to their employment, fathers neglect the upbringing of a teenager, forgetting that their role in it is quite large. Children have to form their own system of moral guidelines, based on watched films or television shows, computer games, or as an example of peer behavior. But life guidelines and moral values should be passed on to boys from their parents.
How to raise a teenager boy? The main task of adults responsible for the upbringing of adolescents is to communicate with him as often as possible. However, you should not substitute concepts when parents read notations - this is not considered communication, communicative interaction between adolescents and their parents should occur on the basis of equality.
More interesting materials on this topic here - Child Psychology
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Let's talk about the principles of choosing toys for a boy in 3-4 years. Psychologists recommend offering him as much “male” entertainment as possible, and this is not about cars, soldiers and weapons, but about a fireman's helmet, a set of carpentry and locksmith tools, and a ship's helm. Such fun can be purchased in stores or made independently.
These toys have several advantages:
- from an early age, the kid gets acquainted with the "male" professions,
- spends less time at the computer,
- such games are very interesting for a child.
The advice from psychologists is this: you should purchase such toys of restrained color, it also helps to cultivate masculinity.
At 5-6 years old, you can give children the opportunity to help dad by hammering a nail or planing something. It is important not to try to forbid them to work, but to keep them under supervision so that the crumbs do not accidentally get hurt. Such help allows the child to feel more meaningful, improves his self-esteem. From the father it is required to show patience and not break down on the kid if something will not work out for him. Shouting and swearing will do their job - interest in physical work will disappear forever.
In an incomplete family, boys can help one of the male relatives, so they will be able to join in male activities. When the baby grows up a bit, you should find a circle for him, the teacher of which is a man, and one that the child really likes. Such a positive example is very important in becoming a character.
2. Raising a boy. The child should have an example to follow
Regardless of whether a single mother brings up a boy or if he grows up in a complete family, you need to try to ensure that the image of a man, moreover, quite attractive for boyish perception, is present in the life of the family.
Until the baby has grown up, he is quite happy that most of the time his mother spends with him, but after 3 years, when the child is separated from his mother both physically and personally, the boy begins to show more and more interest in men: dad, uncle grandfather. And by the age of 6, it becomes extremely necessary for him to spend time with adult men, imitating them and imitating their behavior. And here mom should make sure that her son has someone to communicate with.
Joint leisure with his father helps the boy to determine his life, to understand who he is. Indeed, only through communication with the father and other men does the child master the norms of male behavior and form his own opinion. And the sooner dad begins to raise his son, the sooner he will form a male stereotype of behavior.
But what if dad is not around? In this case, the mother needs to find among relatives or friends of a person who could at least occasionally appear in the boy’s life. For example, you can take the baby to his grandfather for the weekend and leave them to solder, plan and craft together. And when the baby grows up, you should find him a sports section or circle, whose leader is a man who truly loves his job.
In addition, the image of a real man for his boy can be found not only among real people. For this purpose, imaginary characters are quite suitable.It is enough to find a book hero that my son would like to follow, hang a photograph of a brave grandfather on the wall, talk about his ancestors and their courageous deeds. In other words, it is necessary to create a microclimate for the son, conducive to his male formation.
Physical health is an essential indicator of well-being. If you do not devote enough time and attention to this issue, then the boy will not be able to feel confident among his peers. Exercising incredibly increases physical endurance, strengthens muscles, and trains the will. It’s good for a boy of any age to take time for swimming, playing basketball or volleyball. The benefits of such exercises are undoubted: physical endurance, stamina develops, muscles grow stronger, self-confidence increases. Sports activities contribute to the formation of the future man. The more physically developed the boy becomes, the closer he approaches the image of masculinity.
Raising a son involves the mandatory use of outdoor games, but not all parents are thrilled about it. Noise, disorder - this is what catch-ups, hide and seek, and similar fun entail. In addition, there may not be enough free space in the room. However, such games are necessary.
The task of parents is not to prohibit by all means, but to ennoble these funs, to make of them a way of personal development. So, a child can simply play catch-up, or with the help of his parents, he can come up with a complex story in which there are positive and negative characters, real interplanetary wars are being waged. You can tell the kid about the Vikings, Indians, partisans, samurai, Roman legionnaires, combatants of the Russian princes and others, choose the right equipment for them. Children, of course, are interested in temporarily reincarnating as residents of past eras, in addition, they will learn new information.
Active games must not be prohibited, otherwise a child who is forced to restrain himself in kindergarten or at school without receiving an emotional discharge at home will become nervous and irritable.
3. Raise a real man only in a stable atmosphere
First of all, the boy (however, like the girl) needs love and harmony in the family. A father should not be afraid to show affection for his son. He will not spoil a child with such things, but will form his basic trust in the world and confidence in his relatives. To love means to be indifferent to the problems and feelings of the child, to see the personality in him. The boy, brought up sensitively and consistently, grows up open, calm, self-confident, capable of empathy, the manifestation of emotions.
"The boy is the father of a man"
This is the name of the famous book of I.S.Kon, which reflects the stages of formation of the personality of the stronger sex. It would be useful for parents to study it, to highlight the features of education in each individual period. How many mistakes could be avoided then! With the help of the available guide to action, in the end you do not have to reap the bitter fruits of the wrong pedagogical impact. This book explains in detail what forms male character traits, which events have a strong influence on the formation of a child.
How to raise a boy a real man? The book will help parents who want only happiness for their children. “Boy is the father of a man” should be a handbook for most caring moms and dads.
Ability to express feelings and emotions
Do not follow the stereotypes and make fun of the boy’s emotions. The familiar phrases “Do not shout, you are a man!” Or “Men do not cry!” Will teach the child to hide feelings and accumulate them in himself. In fact, tears are not a flaw or a sign of weakness. The child does not yet know other ways to indicate to parents that he is now hurt or ill.And the duty of mothers and fathers to teach the heir to express negative emotions in other ways.
Education of heroism, courage
It is important to acquaint boys with the exploits of residents of past eras - this will not only become a positive example, but will also help strengthen their respect for the older generation. On a subconscious level, in every man (regardless of his age), there is a desire for exploits, for the manifestation of courage, for risk for the sake of some lofty goal. This should be used in education: before the eyes of the child there should be a hero, someone close in spirit and understandable to them, acting correctly, courageously, decisively. Children will be equal to such images, they will want to be similar to them. If you do not acquaint the boys with the manifestations of heroism, then they will have no desire to perform feats, even small, insignificant ones, for example, to protect the weak and offended.
Psychologists approach the issue as follows:
- Children who are not even familiar with the exploits of true heroes understand that being cowardly is bad, embarrassing.
- Every boy is alive with a craving for romance, however, without a full-fledged example, they begin to use those images that they see on television or are recognized by their peers.
- The concept of “hero” is replaced by “cool”, which is not always good, since an immoral character can be “cool”, not cowardly, courageous, but not ready for sympathy, help, committing unseemly acts. It is this trend that is causing the rise in juvenile crime.
That is why it is important for parents who do not want to allow such a situation to familiarize the kids with those who are truly worthy to become an example to follow. We make a reservation: the ideal is unattainable, but trying to get closer to it, a person becomes better. Trying to be courageous, like a real hero, the child may not achieve what he wants, but he will strive to conquer heights. And if you lower the bar, make indulgence, it turns out that trying is not necessary. The result is cowardice, a passive position in life, a guide to the inevitable defeat. The boy has the installation "why do something if it still does not work out." To overcome it, it is important to impress upon the child that he possesses heroic qualities, and not scold and shame him for his cowardice.
In general, the pursuit of ideal should be a good habit for everyone. We give a simple example. Starting to learn a foreign language, a person does not set as his goal to own it as a native. The result - the knowledge gained is enough to communicate somehow, sellers and hotel employees will understand such a tourist, but he will never become a translator. That is why it is necessary from an early age to teach a boy to set a high goal. To achieve it is difficult, almost impossible, but efforts and aspirations will inevitably entail success.
4. Teach the boy to freely express his feelings
It is important that the family does not have a ban on expressing feelings. Crying is a natural manifestation of stress. So do not follow the stereotypes and scold the boy for tears. It’s just worth treating them as a signal that the child is feeling bad and not suppressing his emotions, but teaching them to express them, if possible, in a different way.
Right to choose
Raising a boy, one must not forget about one important feature. A child from childhood must learn to make decisions independently. Refuse the idea of imposing your point of view on him, this is fundamentally the wrong position. So the child will not begin to take responsibility for what is happening, but will shift it to the parental shoulders. If a boy grows up in a family, you need to give him more freedom of choice to take certain steps. Only then will he be able to learn to act confidently and easily, without fear of making a mistake or receiving disapproval of his elders.
The right to choose is an integral part of dominant behavior, which every male must have. When we deliberately deprive a small person of a choice, the result is a weak, weak-willed, lifeless personality.
Parents are wrong too
The acknowledgment of one’s own mistakes by mother and father is an important step towards the formation of a real man. If the parents did not fulfill the promise, then they should explain to their son why this happened and apologize. They shouted for no reason - it is necessary to ask the child for forgiveness. Such simple actions will show the boy that actions must be held accountable, and admitting wrong is not a shame.
The upbringing of the boys will greatly help reading with them the appropriate literature. Therefore, even a preschooler can be introduced to the works of Kataev, Olesha, Kassil, Panteleev, in which the heroes perform real feats. In addition, children will definitely appreciate the “Chronicles of Narnia” by C. Lewis, “The Adventures of Emil from Lynneberg” by A. Lindgren. You can tell them about the exploits of Ivan Susanin, Russian soldiers and partisans during the Great Patriotic War. In every city there are streets named after heroes, so the boys will probably be interested to know what is so heroic, what a feat did this or that person, that a street was named after him.
All this will help a difficult matter - raising a son as a real man.
Recognition of male authority
A child from childhood must learn a model of the family in which the father is always the main one. The presence of a large, strong and strong shoulder, which you can always rely on, greatly facilitates life. In childhood, almost all boys admire their fathers, they want to be like a loved one. Often they speak out loud their desires and at the same time add: "I will be the same as dad." A father should pay a lot of attention to his son starting from the time when the baby is just born. Only then, identifying himself with a strong and courageous dad, will he continue to strive to make important decisions on his own. The father in the life of a boy is the number one figure. They equal him, admire his actions, imitate him with enthusiasm.
Recognition of male authority is an important step in the development of a man of a stronger sex. Raising a boy as a real man to his father will not be difficult. This is provided that the loving and caring dad himself is a worthy role model. He should take care of his mother with special warmth and tenderness. Through his actions, the father teaches the little son to respect the woman. Otherwise, the child will feel the falsity in the relationship of the parents, the mismatch between their words and actions.
From birth, a child needs a strict daily routine. If the girl can make an indulgence, then for the boy it is only to the detriment. At a young age, the mother controls the routine. After entering the school, the regime of the day can be made with his son, including him not only useful activities - sports, studies, circles, but also pleasant moments - personal time, games with friends. It is important that at least one of the parents has approximately the same routine. Then the child will not feel hurt.
Myths and their debunking
Some parents misunderstand the upbringing of boys - and inevitably make mistakes. Here are three basic myths regarding raising sons:
- The behavior of a male child is determined by physiology, and even the highest quality education will not cope with nature. Boys will always be aggressive, playful, will indulge and take risks. This is not true. Studies have proven that those children whom they love are capable of giving love themselves, those who are cared for - take care. How a boy will behave depends, first of all, on education, and not on the characteristics of gender.
- Boys need to be courageous. Because of this belief, many children cannot live as they would like, for fear of becoming the subject of ridicule and bullying of their peers. In fact, masculinity can be manifested in different ways, it is not necessary to follow generally accepted canons. A boy can cry, play "games for girls", while remaining a worthy representative of his gender. So, some teenagers prefer to spend time not on sports fields, but in the kitchen, creating their own culinary masterpieces, and there is nothing reprehensible and shameful in this. On the contrary, they are doing what they really want, fully realize their potential, happy and content with themselves.
- Boys appear dangerous, aggressive, predisposed to violence. In reality, they are sensitive, capable of empathy, helping those in need.
It is important for parents to understand their child, abandon stereotypes, make every effort to harmoniously develop the personality, only in this case the son will grow up courageous, courageous, but caring and understanding.
6. Build empathy in your child
Nurture moral qualities in a boy. As a preschooler, he can understand and do a lot, starting with helping mom at home and ending with a respectful attitude to older people in transport. Such behavior should be "presented" as the norm. Tidying up dishes, making a bed, giving way to a grandmother on a bus is normal for a future man.
If there is no dad in the family
How to raise a boy a real man without a father? Is it possible to do this in principle? Mom raising a son alone must take into account some points. Today, single-parent families, unfortunately, are not uncommon. A woman should not feel guilty in front of a child. If it so happened that she currently does not have a worthy life partner, do not despair. A mother should never put pressure on her son, force him to do something through force. Otherwise, a man will grow up who will endlessly adapt to the whims of a woman.
How to raise a boy a real man without a father? It is desirable that the close relatives or other acquaintances of the man be able to compensate for the child’s absence of a father at least partially. For example, grandfather or uncle, who spend a lot of time with the baby, will benefit him, help to correctly and painlessly carry out self-identification. This is a complex process that does not take place in one day, but it should not be forgotten. A man who helps raise a boy, contributes to his personal development, helps to strengthen faith in himself and his own abilities.
From preschool age, the boy needs to instill morality. A feeling of gratitude should come into the habit — say “thank you” to mom for lunch or dad for a toy or help in constructing an airplane.
By our own example, it is necessary to show that strangers deserve respect as well. It is normal for a man to give up transporting places to elderly people, people with disabilities, pregnant women, hold the door and let mom or neighbor go forward.
We invite you to get acquainted with some tips from practicing psychologists who will help in raising boys. Of course, the boy is energetic, sometimes it may seem aggressive, overly dynamic. Therefore, it is important to direct its energy into a peaceful direction:
- if he likes to fight - offer to enroll in a circle or section of martial arts or boxing,
- if she loves to scream - to give the opportunity to play a game where screams are necessary, so the baby will “let off steam” and will not scream at home,
- if the baby does not want to spend the weekend as planned by mom and dad, you need to discuss this issue with him, offer to make your own proposal, explain your reluctance.Often children, realizing that their opinion is important, cease to act up and agree to everything, because they are convinced - for parents their position is important.
When a second child appears in the family, especially a girl, it is important to have a conversation with the eldest son, to convince him that his parents will not love him less, that the appearance of a sister will not negatively affect his life.
Shouting at a child and especially using physical punishments is unacceptable: the boy, of course, will learn a lesson, but practice shows that such children either grow up clogged and timid or, on the contrary, continue to do things for which they are punished, but it’s better to hide them from strict parents .
It is no less dangerous to compare your son with other children, to set them as an example. This is insulting, and not always true, as a neighbor boy can run well, but, unlike your child, be completely incapable of music. Such comparisons often become the root cause of low self-esteem.
Next - you should see in your son a personality that can differ significantly from other children, active and athletic. Do not put pressure on the baby, help him with self-determination - this is the basic rule of education in psychology. It is important to abandon the stereotypical understanding of what a man should do and be able to, to give the child a little more freedom, not to impose his dreams and aspirations on him.
Raising a boy is not an easy task, especially when it comes to the first son, when knowledge and experience are clearly insufficient. It is very important in all respects to comply with the measure and remember: what is convenient for the mother "here and now" can be detrimental to the normal development of the personality of her baby. That is why you can slightly sacrifice your own peace of mind, giving the crumb more freedom to explore the world and its place in it. A calm kid, playing board games all day, of course, will create few problems for his parents, but he will not become courageous and courageous. At the same time, if the baby does not look like neighboring children, does not want to be mischievous, preferring quiet fun, do not put pressure on him - all children are different, each of them has its own way.
7. Raising a boy, encourage independence in him
Much attention in the development of the boy devote his independence. Let him sometimes feel his importance and freedom. In the future, this will help him become happy and successful, maximize his opportunities. Boys tend to self-affirmation and leadership. This is very important for their further development. Therefore, it is necessary to encourage the son’s desire to make his own choices, to think independently, to remind him that he is responsible for his actions.
Freedom and independence will only benefit the boy. You can not limit its actions, within reason. From about 4-5 years old, when the baby aggressively shows his opinion, you need to give him the right to choose. First, in the details, for example, choose a dish for lunch or clothes for a walk. Then allow him to make choices in more serious things and teach him to realize that for any act he is personally responsible. Broke the plate - remove the fragments, offended - apologize, smeared the floor - wipe. The child should be involved in household chores - take away the plate, lay down toys, and dust. Of these seemingly trifling things, independence is formed.
8. Take your child to sports sections
Children need physical activity for full physical development. While the child is small, you need to walk more with him, let him run, jump, fall, climb, explore the world under the strict guidance of his parents. Later, you should allocate time in the weekly schedule of his son to the sports section, where he could improve his physical abilities and feel strong, dexterous, confident.
Moms should take note of one "secret" in the contact of dad and child.Fathers are often afraid to stay with their baby for a long time, because they feel insecure. Therefore, make dad's leisure time with the child as certain as possible.
For example, say: “Tomorrow I will leave for business for a couple of hours. Let's figure out what you could do with the baby. " Or: "On Saturday, you can finally build a hut, which our boy had long dreamed of." So you give the man a chance to mentally prepare for communication with the peanut.
P.S. When communicating with a child, moms and dads should not be afraid to be funny, awkward or unsuccessful. Children, as you know, forgive parents everything except falsehood and indifference.
Sports clubs and sections
You need to train in sports from early childhood. We are not talking about a 2-3-year-old child, for whom it is vital to frolic, jump, run, somersault, study the world around him. Suitable age for the sports section is 5-6 years. Demanding Olympic achievements from a child is not worth it. Classes should just like the student, give a sense of confidence and the opportunity to improve their physical fitness.
Dmitry Dyuzhev and Vanya (5 years)
“The best method of raising a boy is love, I squeeze my son endlessly and kiss! My wife and I bring up self-sufficiency in Van, we want him not only to be calm and confident, but also to love people. And, of course, do not overly patronize. Let it ruin the carpets if necessary, let it crawl into ink, let it try the sand - do not prohibit it. ”
Alisa Grebenshchikova and Alyosha (5 years)
“Alyosha grows up in a large family, where everyone has their own role. He sees how women behave, what they do. Our grandmother is responsible for comfort. He has men's games with his grandfathers. We somehow went with my son to the store, and I suggested that he choose any toy. Alyosha made a choice in favor of a chainsaw. He was 4 years old. “I will cut wood,” said the son. The fact is that he saw grandfather doing it in the country, who also removes leaves and cleans snow. Alyosha understands that all this is part of men's responsibilities. ”
Idea support and praise
Did the child decide to put together a collection of candy wrappers and pebbles? Do not stop the boy with the words "why is this garbage in the house?" Even if these ideas seem ridiculous to parents, then the initiative should be praised, and the idea should be supported. Issue an album for sticking wrappers or a container in which the child’s stone treasures will be stored.
Praise for worthy deeds for the boy is an incentive for nurturing confidence.
Common Parent Mistakes
Extremes in the process of education lead to negative consequences. And, first of all, the son will suffer.
- The child is not allowed to do anything on their own. As a result, a man grows up, unable to work, without desires and aspirations.
- The ban on activity, excessive guardianship and anxiety, make the boy passive, unable to make decisions.
- Immense praise. Praising a child for eating, sleeping, or washing is superfluous. The habit of hearing flattering words for every action in adulthood will bring disappointment and unwillingness to do anything.
- Encouraging a child’s whims will make him selfish.
- Punishment without a good reason, constant screaming will lead to the fact that the matured young man, having felt freedom, will begin to do everything that his parents forbade him.
Excessive care, “lisp” and prohibitions will become an obstacle for the formation of a boy from a real man, a defender, a future family man. When raising a son, mother and father must remember - in front of them is a person who has the right to his opinion and interests. No words can replace a personal example. After all, a son is a reflection of his parents, and, above all, his father.